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April 16 time differencei remembered that many years ago, i set by my window like i do now, readed a book about the days of being wild, i coundn't understand that why so many people went to a place with a perpose, but aftter they arrive there, they just forgot what they should do.
like sometimes, i feel like to say something, but here is no where to begin, so i round ,round,round far away from my purpose, keep rounding,rounding, but one day when i tired of rounding, i find out that i already lose the courage to talk about whatever i wanted...
we all feel this way, when the one is far away, u always think about how u going to meet, how u going to say HI,how u going to plan ur life together, but one day, when the one just sit there, right there next to u, suddenly all the imagination are gone, u just feel emputy, emputy of aspiration, the point is lost, no matter what, not because of u do not love anymore, not because of u are tired , just the thing that become ture taked the place of aspiration which have been support u for a long time...
well, i do not want to believe that everybody is the same, but somehow people come to me , or i come to, we are all antinomy, left hand is past, right hand is future, the only thing we don't have, is now....
so, when we sit down together, i feel peace, the peace that i never had before, i am not looking back, i am not looking forward, i am in the peace, peace from my mind, deeply in my heart, so i hardly cry now, pain left only, and use to be...
guess both of us are hardly understand each other, like the two direction on the high way, once made the choice, hardly get back,or no way back at all...
i wish that i could tell the turth one day, but that may be too late. but if i do now, there will be no time difference, then we get nothing to do when the empty feeling attack us...
maybe that will be a real ending...
June 19 silver medal---win or lose?always wondering how them feel , when the sporter stand there for the sliver medal, how they feel. they lose, or they win? they win from so many people, but they lose from only one. sometimes life goes this way, u may confused, if life want to give it to you, or want to take it away... in fact so many things going this way, many years ago, one of friend tell me, u are the second important person for me. what a second! i do not know if i am important or not, if i am important, here always someone the only one more important than me, if i am not important, but i am more important than other person,many others... we always try our best to be the only one, but somehow if some one is the only one for u, normally u are not the only one for them. but if u are the frist for someone, but that one won't be the only one for u, that is a game that god play with us... women is a rib from men, so, without the right men, always feel pain, because the rib is not at the right body.we always ask ourself, so, whose rib am i? we are seeking for the right one since the destiny start... we are hunger of perfect things, we need perfect love that never being, we want our perfect life that won't happen...but we do not want to win the silver medal, we do not want to be the second, even it is not perfect, but at least, it is completely! guys always think girls are difficult, in fact,they just want one thing that is when they are crying, u can daut her head, kiss her tear that on the check, and tell her: do not cry my girl, u are my champion...that is more than enough.... May 15 creat my english version spaceset up of my english version space... some of my friend visted my space before, but that one is in chinese, they do not understand what it says. i feel sorry for them, i spend too much time to creat my chinese space, and chinese friend are enjoy it, but the other friends are all complained about that they do not understand so i think it is the time to set up the english version! congratulation!!! |
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